The Cast Iron Bitch Society (mini logo)   
"It takes years of practice to be a cast-iron bitch; most people don't realize this."

III. Sample questions taken from the CIB Admissions Questionaire and Evaluation of Membership Qualifications (1996. B. Yotch and Co, Evansville)

Men in general are

  1. A waste of a damn good X-chromosome
  2. Cannon fodder
  3. Tools to be used as the whim takes you
  4. Tasty treats

People in general are

  1. a waste of donor organs
  2. Useful door stops
  3. Tools, when used wisely
  4. Sheep

A man leaves his house at 8am, wearing only boxer shorts and a t-shirt. He walks five miles towards the northern side of town, then sits down. A second man leaves a different house, driving ten miles in an easterly direction along a county line road. You witness the accident, as the driver hits the sitter.

DO YOU:

  1. Rush over and offer your expert CPR assistance
  2. Dial 911 on your cellular as you continue along the road
  3. Dial the local TV station to report a traffic jam
  4. Hope that no one notices you speeding by, because your ice cream is melting

You are about to leave for the weekend, and as you are getting ready, you remember that you are the only one who can operate the complicated entertainment system set-up.

DO YOU:

  1. Write a short list of instructions and leave it taped to the TV
  2. Find someone and try to explain the simplest functions before your cab arrives
  3. Videotape a quick lesson and leave
  4. Leave

You are visiting someone and happen to break a rare family heirloom.

DO YOU:

  1. Admit the deed and offer to purchase a replacement
  2. Admit the deed over the telephone when you reach your own home
  3. Position it to fall when next touched and act shocked when it is discovered broken

Your toy has pissed you off yet again.

DO YOU:

  1. Tell [him/her/them] that you are upset and try to talk out the situation before things get out of hand
  2. Cry, whine and nag until [he/she/they] apologizes and buys you something
  3. Call everywhere that you know [he/she/they] will soon be, and ask for [him/her/them] as "Pookie-pookie-dinkybut-snow-bunny-poofpoof-kissums"
  4. Make light of the situation, marking it for later use as "You Don't Care About My Feelings" ammunition

Your mother has called to find out if you are seeing anyone yet married pregnant working asleep eating carbs watching the tv buying retail feeling better attending your third cousin's sister's husband's brother's nephew's daughter's recital taking vitamin E ever coming to visit her again before she dies which may as well be tomorrow for all that her heathen children seem to care.

DO YOU:

  1. Answer every question she has and gossip about your relatives
  2. Let your answering machine "accidentally" erase the message
  3. Pretend to BE your answering machine

Your boss has yet again refused your request for a raise.

DO YOU:

  1. Threaten to walk out
  2. Walk out
  3. Scream that [he/she/they] obviously doesn't love you anymore, and don't your nights together mean anything, then walk out

Your best-friend is reaching one of those "landmark" birthdays and taking it rather badly.

DO YOU:

  1. Hire a stripper to YMCA the night away to some good-time oldies
  2. Deck the halls in black crepe and prank gifts
  3. Rent a Grim Reaper costume and show up at her door at 3am.

P.M.S. is a horrible disease for which a cure should immediately be sought. Yes or No. Explain your response using 500 words or more.

P.M.S. is a weapon God gave women to make up for having created sports. Yes or No. Explain your response using 500 words or more.

All animals should be spayed, even if they are really people under an evil curse or a magic spell. Yes or No. Explain your response using 500 words or more.

PLEASE DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN FIVE LETTERS OR LESS:

______ ______ ______ ______ ______

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