The Cast Iron Bitch Society (mini logo)   
"It takes years of practice to be a cast-iron bitch; most people don't realize this."

II. Who are the CIBs

The early origins of the Society are shrouded in secrecy. Some say that Mother Eve herself was the first member. Others favor the idea that our founder was Lilith, the world's first bitter divorcee.

Down through the ages, various women have left clues to the early structure and laws of the society, but these are little more than scraps, fragments of an XX-based conspiracy that runs so deep into the heart of human history that today, not even current members know all the governments and institutions that are secretly controlled by Cast-Iron bitches.....

And then there are those who say it's just a feeble one-liner that got taken too far by a couple of bored liberal arts weenies with B.A. paperweights and a lot of time to kill. When reached for questioning, the bored liberal arts weenies in question refused to comment on the accusation, but hinted strongly that, if even if it were true, the conspiracy has spread to at least 30 countries, and four middle schools in Terre Haute, Indiana, and it would be too late now to tell them it was all a hoax created in a badly-lit Waffle House at 3 a.m. in a caffeine-induced frenzy.

Then there are those who say it was Elvis.

But let's assume, if you please, that there really is a history. And that it goes something like this:

The first card-carrying Cast-Iron Bitch was Queen Boudicea, warrior woman of the Celts. She led her people against the Romans in a doomed but stylish indigenous rebellion the likes of which the world would never again see until the Great Panty-Hose Burning of 1986, and she managed to get her M.B.A. on the side, from a little-known pre-Sally Struthers correspondence course. And she always let them see her sweat.

And so it went, and so it shall be. Many (in-)famous women throughout history fit the qualifications, whether they were oficially inducted or not (many older membership records were accidentally destroyed in the Lesser Girdle Burning of 1922). Unfortunately, not every member manages to maintain the delicate balance between Cast-Iron Bitch and Bitch. Take, for example, Madonna, the Material Girl, who was summarily dismissed from the Society for perpetrating Shanghai Surprise on an unsuspecting populace.

Yes, the Society still flourishes today, despite the recent attempts of sabotage. We've advanced a good deal since our first CIB-ling arched her eyebrow imperiously at a man. (Or, the Waffle House. Whatever.) So be careful what you say from now on, because the next woman you pass may not just be a bitch - she may be a Cast-Iron Bitch!